2am seems to be my time. Maybe if I dont make it as a writer I can find a graveyard shift at a decent paying job. Maybe I’d enjoy it. Anyways, this is just something I whipped up. Kind of my status quo. My entire writing process is sitting down, spilling my thoughts for 5 minutes, and walking away. I hardly find the time to edit, and when I do its half assed. You know, my dad always told me “if your going to half ass something, do it all the way.” He actually never said that to me, thats just a little thing I like to say. Consider this a free write. Consider everything I ever post a free wright. A good rule of thumb is to assume I haven’t edited it, and if I did, very little. Someday I’ll out-grow my laziness. Hopefully. Until then,
#???-Piled up Trash.
There was a time
when everything was ahead of me.
The morning came before I went to bed,
the drinks where endless,
stories where made,
everything was always ok,
even when it wasn’t.
Then, it seemed,
and it was over,
my luck had been stolen.
Now Im approaching another year of life
and have nil to show for it.
Cigarette packs and empty soda cans pile on my computer desk.
My ashtray fills, and goes unemptied.
my books go unread.
My notebooks go unfilled.
I no longer believe in my astronaut dreams.
My friends dont hear from me,
I dont hear from them.
The world has become cold and unwelcoming.
The past screams in my mind more than ever before.
A day is added to a remembered time with each passing night.
Im not tossing back the beers any more.
No more wasting money that should have been saved for food.
No more declaring my love to every pretty woman
that shows me an ounce of attention.
This ten pound weight I once held proudly on my shoulders
is now sinking them down.
Im slouching down ever lower.
The time I’ve spent doing nothing
is enough to fill a junk yard.
My life has become resented 8ams
to labour at a job I couldn’t be rid of sooner.
Endless pondering of the friends that have forgotten me.
I pop my pill and drink my gatorade.
Smoke my cigarettes and laze around.
My fears become more true,
and my hope dies.
The negative nancy act has become insufferable,
all my bullshit will subside,
its only a matter of time.